The Fragile Dance Between Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
BeB
A few years ago, I felt like I was finally where I wanted to be. My CV looked exactly how I had always envisioned it—a reflection of my career progression, my accomplishments, and the titles I had worked so hard to earn. I wasn’t looking for external validation from others; I was seeking something deeper. I wanted to feel good about myself. I wanted proof that my job title equaled success, that my career was advancing, and, most importantly, that I was finally worthy of myself.
And for a while, it worked. My self-esteem was through the roof. But here’s what I didn’t realize: my confidence was tied so tightly to my achievements that it became fragile. Whenever things didn’t go as planned, or I faced setbacks, that sense of worthiness crumbled.
It was in those moments of doubt that I realized something critical: I had been measuring my self-worth with the wrong ruler.
Self-Esteem: The Rollercoaster of External Validation
Here’s what I’ve learned about self-esteem. It’s tied to the things we do:
Achieving that next career milestone.
Impressing others with our accomplishments.
Hearing someone say, “You’ve really made it.”
And those things feel good—really good. Let’s be honest: who doesn’t love seeing their hard work recognized? But what happens when the promotions don’t come, or when no one notices your achievements?
For me, it meant spiraling into self-doubt. When something didn’t go as planned, or when I didn’t live up to expectations, I started questioning my value. My self-esteem was tied to outcomes and external validation, things I couldn’t always control.
The Power of Self-Worth: Being Enough, No Matter What
Then I started asking myself a tough question: What if my value wasn’t tied to my CV or my Linkedin profile?
At first, it felt strange—like I was giving up on striving for something better. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I’d been living as though I wasn’t enough unless I was accomplishing something. It was exhausting.
That’s when I discovered the concept of self-worth. Self-worth isn’t about what you do; it’s about who you are. It’s the quiet, steady belief that you are valuable simply because you exist. It’s saying, “I am enough,” even when the world is shouting, “Prove it!”
The Difference That Changed Everything
Here’s an example that helped me see the difference between self-esteem and self-worth:
Imagine you’re having a bad day at work. You mess up on an important project, and your boss gives you critical feedback. If your self-esteem is tied to your performance, you might think, I’m terrible at my job. I’ll never succeed.
But if you’re grounded in self-worth, you see the situation differently. You can think, I made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me less worthy as a person. I’ll learn from this and grow.
Self-esteem is conditional—it depends on success, praise, and achievements. Self-worth is unconditional—it exists no matter what. And that’s what makes it so powerful.
My Journey to Self-Worth
I won’t lie to you: learning to separate my value from my achievements has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I still catch myself seeking external validation, especially when I feel uncertain or vulnerable.
But here’s what’s different now: I’ve started to see myself through a lens of compassion instead of criticism.
When I make a mistake, I don’t spiral into shame. Instead, I remind myself that mistakes don’t define me—they teach me.
When I succeed, I celebrate it without letting it become the only thing that defines me.
Most importantly, I’ve learned to ask myself: Who am I when everything else is stripped away? And the answer is always this: I am still worthy.
A Gentle Reminder for You
If you’ve ever felt like your value depends on what you achieve or how others see you, I want you to know this: you are more than the sum of your accomplishments.
Your worth isn’t tied to that job title, that project, or that carefully crafted LinkedIn profile. It’s intrinsic, unshakable, and always there—even on the days when you feel small.
Self-esteem will rise and fall, like the tides. That’s okay. But your self-worth? That’s the ocean underneath, vast and steady.
So, here’s my challenge for you: Take a moment today to reflect on your self-worth. What makes you valuable beyond what you do? Write it down, let it sink in, and remind yourself that you are already enough.
You don’t have to earn your worth—you already have it.
And if that feels hard to believe, know that I’m right there with you, learning and unlearning every day.
You are worthy. Always.
BeB
With purpose and appreciation
Nadja
